Malignancy of the mind

Twist.

2012-01-06T15:22:00.003-07:00

Finally, 2011 has come to an end. I've made a few new years resolutions that I'll hopefully stick to, but I suppose we'll see. For about 3 weeks I've been battling to breathe. my asthma seems to really be bothering me. Also my dreams have fluctuated from macabre to peculiar, to sometimes actually being peaceful. I can only assume it has something to do with the current change of pace.2012, thus

Float.

2011-11-01T01:16:00.003-06:00

Change is probably the one thing I find most difficult to adjust to.Serious, drastic, change I mean.At this point in my life, everyday is like a roller coaster of twisting events and whirling emotions. I know that I need to move forward, push through; yet I feel my energy dissipating. I am not made of stone; yet I remain motionless. As if I am. Not emotionless, though.I know what I need, and it

With colours so vibrant & true; cocoon me.

2011-10-16T00:43:00.002-06:00

Love is a tricky thing, it has many facets and hues. It is as complex as it is simple, forever growing and evolving. I've been so caught up in loving others I believe I've forgotten to love myself. It is a strange thought. It has been a while since I've appreciated myself, and for that matter.. I've felt truly appreciated. This saddens me.. to think that I reach out and try to brighten others,

Take away love and our earth is a tomb.

2011-10-09T20:15:00.003-06:00

There is passion in everything. Loving and hating, in pleasure and pain. And sadness. I've been learning to grow and accept all forms of passion, not so much anymore in reckless abandon, but more so in an understanding fashion. Though I do not feel I have fulfilled my intentions or aspirations for this year, I do not feel it has been an entire waste. I've learned about fundamental parts of my

And the plot thickens..

2011-04-19T20:56:00.001-06:00

You know when things suddenly figure out some more of the puzzle... and what you find makes you realize things are so much more fucked up than you at first thought?Yeah. That just happened./rage.

We are the tangled, floating in a dark dystopia; luminescence is of cardinal significance.

2011-04-19T12:38:00.003-06:00

When one door closes, another door is inevitably opened in it's place.I feel as of late, or at least I thought so, that several doors have opened and then closed. But the doors that have inevitably opened in their places, have also slammed shut. I feel vindicated, yet obsolete. Are my efforts dust in end? Swept carelessly to the wayside..? I do not want to surrender to the thought that I was

..You know that you were born for more than what machines provide..

2011-02-28T19:12:00.002-07:00

And lately, I just want to lie down and rest. For a minute, for an hour, for a year, by the ocean. Where there is no one else to hear me scream or dance or kiss or create or cry or do anything. Time to simplify.I've been consumed by my dreams and my indulgence as of late. Gradually I'm finding who and what I am, and discovering where that will take me. This year I will dance, wander, create, and

I want to lie on moss, deep in forests, far away.. with you.

2010-11-11T21:40:00.005-07:00

I have a habit of getting caught up in things & making up excuses.I'm at that point in my life where I need to start making progress, I need to be heading somewhere at some pace.Though.. I'm not sure how to do this. Or maybe I'm just scared. I don't know how to go about this. I'm filled with anxiety about the how's and the when's and the where's. I know I should just go and 'do it' or whatever. I

Throwing poison in to the fountain of youth.

2010-09-24T20:38:00.003-06:00

Sometimes I wonder who I am, what I am. Bedraggled persona?In a clearing I see a lake. In that lake I see me. I see a reflection of myself. The reflection stares back and judges me with intensity. I stare into the lake and wonder if this is really me. Am I really this? Or is this just me at this moment in time?Is the me now what I want to be or is it what people see me as? Will I forever be this

Barely visible through the thousands of thin, webbed lines of electromagnetic pulses that makeup thoughts.

2010-09-14T16:40:00.005-06:00

Pale fingertips rip away the mask, tearing away both flesh and memory, eyes shattering like glass upon the merest touch. Through the visually distorted cracks and damages, a tainted world manifests. Deafened by the silhouetted results, one stumbles through inescapable loneliness, and it is in this cold, dark dystopia that one begins to understand. Something is very wrong. And it's time to stop

pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolc anoconiosis.

2010-09-12T03:13:00.002-06:00

My mind feels too convoluted to process, let alone explain in any rational manner.I've been stressing unduly about a large number of things recently, maybe they're unimportant? I apparently don't feel so, unfortunately.It's like my thinking is twisting and fracturing, simultaneously with my memory. At current I have headaches everyday.. perhaps I'm just overwhelmed. I feel like I'm loosing bits

Awake but dreaming..?

2010-09-06T03:06:00.003-06:00

Dear blog;You seem so forgotten half the time, but in reality your thought of more often then not.I do though, forget to post in you frequently. Which I am sorry for. It has been a while. All summer in fact. How to sum this up..I traveled around working in a Sheesha lounge for most of the summer, which was alright. I'm not really sure my exact feelings on the matter quite this instant.I feel more

Time together isn't ever quite enough..When we're apart, whatever are you thinking of?

2010-06-12T16:06:00.002-06:00

Just like that he's gone.This is the worst heart ache I've felt in a long time....I'll be okay though.I'll be strong, and when I see him again the distance will mean nothing.Letting someone go that you love, is so much harder than breaking up.I really hope this helps me develop into a great individual. Isn't that what all this angsty stuff is suppose to do?I sure hope so. Time to to remain

Scintillating..

2010-06-10T20:35:00.002-06:00

Today is the last day I have to spend time with him.Tomorrow is the going away party.. Saturday he leaves.I don't feel okay. Not right now. I'm managing to hold it together.. But I just want him to stay.This feels so surreal. He was suppose to leave this time last year, and now he actually is.I don't feel like I've conveyed enough of my emotions, requested enough of his touch, or heard enough of

Unsettled.

2010-06-05T00:21:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was eventful & good, yet I was filled with anxiety. Even now I still am..My coffee date with said girly went surprisingly well. I'm thinking were going to hangout more. I'm excited. :)I did some shopping and bought some tickets to a festival. That was nice.But I can't help but think about how I only have one more week with my boy..I feel like I'm slowly crumbling from the inside. I'm

Phlegmatic Anomalies.

2010-06-01T13:35:00.002-06:00

I've had some time to think about my feelings & discuss them with someone dear to me, and now I'm starting to feel better. I think.I feel like last night we managed to connect on a different level than we've been able to in the past. Almost like some things are beginning to get resolved.I still wish things could be different in some respects, but for now I'm doing better than I was.I'm glad I'm

Sardonic Amalgamations.

2010-05-31T16:19:00.002-06:00

This post has nothing to do with the one below it. Though I have been thinking of that girl frequently. Things wiht her are going good, we have a coffee date this coming Friday.Things never go as planned, that's the way of life. Mostly my life.In relation to my love life.. just fuck it. Things have become so scrambled I don't know if I'm upset or crazy. On the verge of a break down or a break

Loose stitches.

2010-05-11T13:17:00.003-06:00

I just got home from work and I feel rather poignant.I saw a girl today working cash, and realized that I knew her from a few years back.Our friendship ended just as it was beginning, but I feel today may have begun a healing of sorts.I'm excited yet terrified, but curiosity prompted me to speak with her.The conversation was slightly awkward, but overall I believe it went okay.I messaged her on

Brain bug.

2010-05-10T21:26:00.002-06:00

Today I donated blood after work.It's sort of unsettling having that much come out of you.The only thing I could think of was: "Is this how it feels to have your life force slowly drained from your body?""Would I feel the same nauseated, light headed tingle if I were bleeding to death?"At least I got to hold the bag of blood after she was done. That was pretty cool.

Binary star system.

2010-05-09T12:10:00.003-06:00

We are mirrors; us, each and every one. We can reflect upon everything else, but never it seems, that we can we reflect upon ourselves. We may spin and spin and feverishly try to arrange others about ourselves so we may look within, but all of our doors are shut up tight. Tighter than any prison. And windows! what mad talk of windows? We have none. Our eyes are merely deep reflective pools,

Paralytic dreaming.

2010-05-05T21:12:00.002-06:00

I feel that when I'm not writing, I'm just some disposable teen.I'm catagorized as useless, with no valid thoughts or opinions.People don't think. They create opinions and make judgement calls in mere seconds.Like today at work.Now let's segway, I almost amputated my right fingers at work today!I work in a grocery store, and I was moving the metal plate on the bottom of the cooler because I bent

Time swirl.

2010-05-04T15:26:00.004-06:00

Dear bloggers, I'm sorry for taking leave for quite some time. Things have been hectic. (So much for blogging every month for a whole year, lol.)I'm almost not certain I can completely recount everything as well.I suppose I should begin to try though, no?Since December I've been fairly up & down, I got a stable-ish job that's probably one of the most pointless endeavors I've attempted as of late.

Burning paper hearts.

2009-12-08T17:33:00.002-07:00

So I'm starting to feel a bit better.I have some appointments with doctors, once again, and everything is beginning to get sorted out.It feels nice, calm almost. I think these moods will be passing shortly. Things are going to start to look up. I know what I'm going to do to be happy. I'm excited. I feel good today.

1 day, 2 & 1/2 hours.

2009-11-30T21:14:00.002-07:00

It's almost my birthday, and once again I just wish it was over already.Recently I've been feeling fairly unstable. Unstable enought to get numbers for various types of psychiatric help. I don't think I'm alright anymore. I'm far too stressed out for a normal human being, I don't feel like I can handle anything anymore. These wayward emotions have tightened their grasp on me, and I feel

Quipped.

2009-11-05T18:27:00.003-07:00

Soo these past few weeks have proved to be action-packed and full of re-occurring problems.I'd like to take a moment and say, thank-you to those who've helped me stay reasonably sane.And give those that haven't a good kick in the junk.Moving on though. I thought I'd escaped this illness, I suppose I've underestimated it.I believe I'm getting sick again. Everyone is sick. Everyone is making me

SEXY

2009-10-14T01:10:00.002-06:00

So I went to my job for the first time earlier yesterday.And currently I should be sleeping. So I can get up in the morning and go to work.But I'm blogging instead and contemplating what to wear tomorrow to work.I feel very satisfied with my life. Almost.Spelunking was awesome! But very, very cold. I got mild frostbite and almost went through hypothermia.Haha, but it was fun. Quite the endurance

Pushkin

2009-10-08T00:25:00.002-06:00

Things are completely and delightfully dishevelled in my life.I just don't want to care anymore about all this monotonous bullshit.It's easier to disassociate from most things, and just not care.Everything is just too repetitive, and I've really been trying to just make things more realistic and exciting. I want to show myself that things can be good, even for just a moment, so I can keep

Inconsiquential.

2009-09-29T01:40:00.002-06:00

So I was watching this video, where apparently chickens become more passive while watching TV.It's really silly, haha. And sort of has a funny ending bit.Plus I learned that The gelatin you eat in Jell-O comes from the collagen in cow or pig bones, hooves, and connective tissues.Which is really fricken icky.I don't think I'll be eating Jell-O again for a while.

First train home - Imogen heap

2009-09-18T00:23:00.002-06:00

I've been listening to Imogen Heap a lot more recently.It's really soothing, and soothing is definitely what I need currently in my life.It seems like finding a job is being a fruitless search.. But I'm still looking..And I'm currently feeling rather heart-broken.. -sigh- Sometimes making the right decision is hard.Maybe one day things will be different.

Claustrophobic thinking.

2009-09-09T02:05:00.002-06:00

So I moved out, and honestly I feel shitty-er now more than ever.I really shouldn't be feeling crappy, but I am. I'm stressed to the max, and I feel so hollow. Things weren't suppose to be this way. I was suppose to be happy..I'm really honestly trying to keep up a happy mood, but I feel so..hopeless now.It's completely backwards. I just don't understand it.I'm just so tired, and have no

Tarnished sunset.

2009-08-24T23:12:00.003-06:00

So I really am not enjoying all the negativity that seems to be aimed towards me currently.I really don't appreciate how someone in particular is stressing me out by pressuring me to give them most of my attention & then complaining about how they feel that I'm not the same person & all this bullshit, just because I'm not with them.I really don't need to be stressed out over nothing, I said

Craniofacial osseointegration and maxillofacial prosthetic rehabilitation unit.

2009-08-17T02:03:00.003-06:00

This has got to be my most random blog title, EVER.It's badass. :DAnyways, I've been quite the busy bee lately.I've been starting to feel better emotionally, but I'm still on a bit of a rocky pathway.I'll be moving out of here in September, getting another job, Going back to school.You know, the works. I'm excited.Other than that though, I'm trying to remain positive & keep the stress and

A Disjointed Juxtaposition of Sorts.

2009-07-25T02:02:00.004-06:00

It's been a while, hasn't it?I figured I'd posted here in May, but I suppose I forgot.I honestly don't think I can re-cap even the majority of what's happened since then.Though I can say; currently I am in most ways. I'm busy figuring out what I want my life to be, and how to put it together.So far it could be going better, but at least it's going somewhere?I guess I'll make a brief 'In a

I'm so tired of doing this.

2009-04-29T01:05:00.003-06:00

You wear me out.I'm tired of waiting around day after day for you to show up,but you never end up showing up. And all you have to say is:"I'm sorry, We'll hangout tomorrow." But when tomorrow comesyou never show up again, and you just repeat the same excuses."I promise, tomorrow I'll see you.""For sure, nothing will get in the way of seeing you.""I'll show up because I don't have any other plans.

Water lily.

2009-04-25T22:37:00.002-06:00

I do not feel well.I have the flu, and I wish that emotionally I'd feelbetter too.

Lullaby.

2009-04-17T23:47:00.002-06:00

So many thoughts are flowing through my mind,Like a swirling abyss of emotion, creating a turmoil.It feels like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place.Hm.

In a roundabout way.

2009-04-14T20:22:00.002-06:00

So I feel like I'm on the verge of a break through of sorts..Like a lot more is becoming clear to me as the days pass by once more.Music is really helping me through all these thoughts in my head.I've calmed a bit about my guilt, and I believe I may just be able to fix something. I've done some serious thinking, and honestly I thinkI know my answer. I'm completely apathetic about so much now to

This is wonderful.

2009-03-27T05:09:00.002-06:00

InkMy heart is a purple eggplant .It sits deep and dark ,Pulsating like a dream you can hold in your hand .Smooth, warm, and whispering;Look deep enough and you can see.My blood is streaked with ribbons of lime and patchouli, And the purest black ink. And if you look even deeper; When the sun hits me in just the right way . . . I am completely transparent, And devoid of all that is tangible and

Smothered.

2009-03-26T03:04:00.002-06:00

So many thoughts are whirling in my brain currently.Emotions are overtaking my heart.Everything feels like its slowly caving in once more, and It's like I'm suffocating on carbon dioxide.I don't know what to think about the people I love.Nothing is working out, and it feels like everything is just barely holding on.I'm nauseated, but not only from my sickness.This is terrible.

Neurotic Submergence.

2009-02-15T01:49:00.002-07:00

So Yesterday was Valentines day, and believe me it was an interesting one.I haven't really written in here in a lttle while, lots has been happeningbut at the same time not much has occurred.My mind seems to fallen into repetition once more, mulling over thoughts that don't need to be thought of.This winter is quite harsh on my mental well being, I think. I feel relatively crazy, yet relatively

Schematics of a borrowed mind.

2009-01-14T22:48:00.002-07:00

I have a sinking feeling in my gut, That things may get better, but they won't stay good.I feel so shitty at the moment, and worried.I want to be mad, but I can't bring myself to.The only good news is I got snakebites.But I guess it's not great news.I think they're getting infected.Joy.

Bad Luck.

2009-01-13T00:03:00.002-07:00

I feel so drained.I'm sore, tired, and I feel ill.Emotionally wise,I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster.Bleh.These past few days have really not been quite the best.I hope tomorrow brings something better... Maybe.I want a haircut.

G o n e A w a y

2009-01-03T21:20:00.002-07:00

I feel really unhappy right now with a lot in my life.It's almost overwhelming, at times.Like now.I want so much to be different, but some of it I know takes time.I guess I'm just tired of waiting for some of it, and the rest?I'm not even totally sure how I want it to go.This isn't a great start to the new year. In fact, this is quite the opposite; really......Things just aren't working out, and

n o i s e

2009-01-02T22:28:00.002-07:00

So it's 2009, and I'm not quite sure how this year is going to go.So far though, it's had a pretty shitty start, for the most part.I guess new years was alright..But it could've honestly been a lot better.Currently I'm back at home, and things seem to be just about ready to go down hill.I hope not. I just want a relaxing break.I'm lonely. -sigh-

Grinchy.

2008-12-25T10:31:00.002-07:00

Love's gunna get you down.Say love.Say love.Oh Love's gunna get you down.Merry Christmas, I suppose.=/

Tunes on replay in my head.

2008-12-11T02:08:00.003-07:00

I feel numb, and cold.Like the last cracked, frost bitten leaf blowing precariously in the winter breeze.I am fragile.Hanging on barely, by the same frost bitten unforgiving twig attached to the tree.The winter is silent this year, wrapping it's frigid hands, enclosing me.It's hard to breathe, to think, to be.I wish that I could feel the warmth of life, in such a bleak stand-still terrain.

- - - -

2008-12-03T05:14:00.000-07:00

I'll be the thorns on every roseYou've been sent by hope (You'll grow cold)I am the nightmare waking you upFrom the dream of a dream of love (Just like before)Let me weep you this poem as Heaven's gates closePaint you my soul, scarred and aloneWaiting for your kiss to take me back homeHold meLike you held on to lifeWhen all fears came alive and entombed meLove meLike you love the sunScorching the

Noise.

2008-12-03T02:38:00.003-07:00

I feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole.I'm so, guilty & upset.I shouldn't feel bad, that's what people tell me.But really, I know it's my fault.This was all my fault.I'm not going to deny it, and blame someone else.I don't deserve to feel mad about that one thing, but I do.I should just repremend myself, but it hurts to know.. that if I hadn't messed up how I did, that

I'm not valuable.

2008-12-02T07:35:00.003-07:00

I'm not happy. In fact I'm quite un-impressed, disappointed, and hurt.Your words & actions really hurt and bothered me.I'm not something you can control. You can't bitch at me and make me feel like shit for things that haven't happened, won't happen, or because your upset.I'm allowed to have friends, I'm allowed to see the, and I don't have to confirm everything I do with you.I'm my own person. I

Dance me across the stage

2008-12-01T23:41:00.002-07:00

What a fucking great day.Why can't you just Leave me be if your just going to break stuff, or hurt yourself.It's my birthday, and I just want one day where I can be stress free and enjoy it.Just because your mad at me, doesn't give you the right to wreck our house.It doesn't give you the right to do all this immature bullshit.Think about how your acting.Grow up.

Fuck it.

2008-12-01T17:45:00.002-07:00

I can't believe you sometimes.I honestly can't.I don't know what to say,But you AREN'T the same person fropm when I met you.I'm disappointed in the way you handle things.Whatever, things will probably just complicated themselves.

Anger faded, sleep evaded.

2008-11-28T03:38:00.004-07:00

I was quite angry earlier, but now I'm feeling better.I'm going to try to not let stupid thigns bother me anymore, I'm far too stressed out.Today is going to be good, and I don't want to let anything mess it up.I'm going to have a good day, I have good plans.I'm going to relax and enjoy myself.Bubble tea, here I come. :D

-smacks head into wall-

2008-11-27T00:12:00.002-07:00

My head hurts a whole bunch.And it won't stop, ugh.I need to go to sleep soon, so I can be awake and ready to go to the play later.I hope I don't have a headache later too. :(

Sing to me another love song..

2008-11-26T16:40:00.002-07:00

So I wish that it was warmer and sunnier outside.That would be awesome.I need to do laundry & clean, but I'm lazy right now.Tomorrow I've got a play to go to, I'm stoked.Oh and there IS going to be a new years rave! Now I just need to get another ID..>__

Brain ache..

2008-11-26T04:32:00.002-07:00

My headaches seem to be returning, how wonderful.This past weekend was.. interesting, and fun.Minus the throwing up blood & painful intestinal cramping and such.-ha ha-I'm feeling a bit better though, not in quite as much pain.And I can lay on my side! So I suppose I'm not doing too too terribly.My birthday is quickly approaching, and currently I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to be doing,

Fuze drinks are tasty.

2008-11-21T01:27:00.002-07:00

I'm in quite a bit of pain at the moment.Every time I move to the right my insides scream.My joints have been acting up a bit as well, I've noticed my right hip has started hurting again, and I noticed my left knee was hurting last weekend.I know I should talk to my doctor about it, but honestly I just can get up the will to.I'm very un-satisfied with doctors telling my they aren't sure what's

Warped thoughts.

2008-11-18T23:50:00.002-07:00

Ugh, I have a little bit to write today, I suppose.I read articles on msn.com a lot, usually when I'm on my other computer since it's my home page and all, and this one caught my attention:- Clicky clicky -Diesel vehicles aren't used mainly in the USA or Canada, which is stupid. But with the way the countries are set up, I'm not suprised. All the oil plants wouldn't want that to happen, huh?"

Dreaming differently won't change reality.

2008-11-18T05:14:00.002-07:00

So I've been in quite a strange slump lately.I haven't really been doing anything with my life, and my health isn't so well right now.My intestines hurt more frequently, but not quite like they did before, and my headaches finally are subsiding more.But my current major ailement isn't letting up. My eyes seem to be slowly healing but now healing quite fast enough, and the dull throbbing wet pain

Vomit.

2008-11-05T23:02:00.002-07:00

I'm feeling too many negative emotions at this very moment.I'm so mad at some people, and so bloody fucking irritated at others.And then, I'm sorta sad and blaha at the same time.I think I need to relax and get the fuck off the computer.On an unfortunate note, my eyes are all fucked up because I got hairdye in them.:(And I'm sick.

Quite quaint, really.

2008-10-27T17:06:00.002-06:00

So I've updated my deviantArt once again, With pudding being a cute fuzz-bucket.=DI've mostly just been lazing about, taking some pictures. Halloween is on it's way quite quickly, and I've got the perfect idea for Kira. <3Well, I'm off to update my deviantArt once more, and go back into the world of Neopets.Toodles.

Internet addiction & Presidential debates.

2008-10-23T15:51:00.004-06:00

So I just finished reading an article about internet addiction.And I can tell you right now, I laughed pretty hard. The article goes over how most people have an internet addiction, and it enforces parents to restrict their children from the internet.I mean, Tetris wasn't hurting anyone last time I checked. I understand that some people get out of control playing WoW or online poker, but that

^____?

2008-10-19T04:14:00.002-06:00

So today / tonight was interesting, but at the same time nothing really happened.I lazed around a bit, went on the computer, lazed around some more, attempted to wash my hair under the shower head (Which isn't removable), got ready, sat at home, fell asleep, was constantly being woken up, woke up, thought about eating food, solved some drama, thought about eating food, drew a picture, spilt pop,

You don't get a title.

2008-10-18T00:04:00.002-06:00

This day has been so terrible, minus a few parts.And I fucking hate having a shitty day and coming home and fucking have these stupid little comments thrown at me.What the fuck is your problem.Calm the fuck down, stop always stressing me out.Fucker.-explodes-

Burrr >=[

2008-10-15T05:41:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was windy and fucking cold outside.I mean, it's only 1/2 way throug October and it's already freezing.If it wasn't for the wind today though, it might have been a bit nicer, but who knows.I've been cold since I've gotten back, and have a pretty ugly headache to boot.Hmph. I hate the cold.Other than being really cold yesterdy, I guess it was alright.I got some interesting photo's and

Whoo. ;P

2008-10-14T07:10:00.002-06:00

I've been up all night downloading online RPG's. Lol.And thinking about potentially oneday re-newing my Final Fantasy XI subscription.Eventually. XDOh, and I've compiled a list of things I need to buy, and stuff I want for my birthday/Christmas.The list for my birthday/Christmas is pretty short:IS Lens (Canon EF-S 17-85mm f/4-5.6 IS USM Lens)Money for Piercings/Tattoo'sNew clothes (From Hot-topic

Fruit cake.

2008-10-13T08:10:00.002-06:00

So I've been relatively busy these past few days staying up really late at night and reading.I've mostly been reading fan-fiction, but quite a few fiction stories as well.I've also been updating my DA (finally), and upon doing so I've also been searching the site and favoriting things.Upon my searching I've discovered 2 things that I kind of really want to do, one day.The first is kind of creepy,

iickyyyy

2008-10-10T10:05:00.002-06:00

So I've been busy reading some fiction on the computer,and this one story I read was pretty good.But then it took a whole huge turn for the worse,And made me feel like throwing up.The main character got his eyes carved out in a prison bathroom,because he was trying to apololigize for getting raped to his "boyfriend" at the time.I finished reading the story, but I wasn't able to shake the

Mutterings.

2008-10-08T15:49:00.002-06:00

I feel like doing something creative today, but I've been pulled out of my slump by a friend.And now, I've got to get ready to be picked up.Everytime I try to update my DA currently something comes up.It seems I'm not aloud to be lazy.I'll bring some writing supplies.

Blurgesh.

2008-10-07T06:36:00.003-06:00

My cat has a stubborn, devoted personality.He spends hours looking into a fishtank for out one fish, a bottomfeed, that you NEVER really see.Yet he looks for it, unflinchingly, for hours.He has a "mate", our other female cat, whom he produced kittens with.Her looks out for her, and takes care of her, though she's so stubborn and full of pride she usually doens't let him.Yet he still does anyways,

Brain static.

2008-10-05T14:28:00.002-06:00

I just wrote such an epic piece of writing.I feel accomplished, and I feel naked.Stipped, but good?Maybe this was some sort of way of therapy. .Maybe.I feel like I'm going to be sick.

I has no title.

2008-10-03T04:10:00.002-06:00

So much has happened in the last few days since I've blogged last.I've been really drained lately, and not in the best of moods.I'm hoping things will clear up soonish and get better.It's almost my birthday, and this time of year hasn't ever really been that great over the past few.Hm.

A fiction novel in the making.

2008-09-23T20:55:00.002-06:00

So the bath and tea helped me relax this morning.I think I want more tea now though.Whoo for Alice in wonderland.

Something's missing.

2008-09-23T04:39:00.007-06:00

Today, I just don't feel right.I need to vent out negativity, fix myself.Get out of this rut I've become accustomed to.I've lost myself in my thoughts recently. I need to stay on track.Maybe a warm bath and tea will help how I'm feeling. - - - -I took my love down to violet hill,There we sat in snow.All that time she was silent still.If you love me,Won't you let me know? - - - -

>___O

2008-09-22T22:56:00.002-06:00

What did I do today?Sleep, eat, FFR, eat, shower, FFR.Exciting.Some people really fucking annoying me.Alot.

So so so so so, here's what's up.

2008-09-22T07:55:00.003-06:00

Okay so I've changed around the layout a bit, call it 8am boredom with no sleep if you will.I added a nifty box that contains other sites I frequent, a nifty box with a quote I enjoy, ANOTHER nifty box at the bottom with an ending tag picture.. thing.OH and I tweeked the color scheme a bit, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A YEAR.Bye bye bright yellow link color, and forest green text color.Hellloooo dark

Mood: Very annoyed.

2008-09-19T19:03:00.003-06:00

Holy shit,Why can't you just drop it and fucking grow up.And while your at it apologize for all this bullshit and fucking mean it.Stop fucking around.It's getting old fast.Ugh, people are retarded.

=[

2008-09-18T05:32:00.002-06:00

I'm am very disappointed in your way of dealing with bullshit.It makes me sad.And it makes me upset your nerve to throw harsh words at me over such an immature little quibble.Quit being so hard on me when your frustrated.

Love me.

2008-09-13T02:26:00.003-06:00

I've got the nastiest cough, ever.I sound like a dying animal.Bleh.I don't feel good.I'm not happy with myself.Anything about myself. Mood: Gloomy./inner turmoil.

Thoughts just roaming.

2008-09-12T00:05:00.005-06:00

So I'll sing this song to you,for the last time.and my heart is torn in two,thinkin' of days spent without you,and there is nothing left to prove.I'm counting all the things I could've done,to make you see that I wanted us to bewhat I go to sleep and dream of.I want you to know that I'd die for you.I'd die for you.I couldn't breathe you in like I need to,and the words don't mean a thing.

Silently, the poison drips.

2008-09-10T23:31:00.002-06:00

So I'm still sick, and I'm feeling gloomy, basically alone in my room tonight.I feel sort of, lonely? It's difficult to put into words.I'm not depressed at the moment, but I feel like I've curled back up into a part of me I though I've gotten over.Let me just say this, It's not a good part, but it's not a bad part.Ahh, I'm rambling..I don't know what I want in life right now. I think I should

Sprained minds.

2008-09-09T17:32:00.003-06:00

Fever induced restless nights are far worse than restless nights due to restless minds.Ugh.I feel so disgusting, like a big lump of slime.At least, that's all the keeps coming out of my nasal passage and chest.Seriously, being so sick it feels like your swimming in thick dirty water has got to be one of the most revolting feelings ever.I can barely breathe, or talk.>____

Suffocating on silence.

2008-09-09T03:19:00.003-06:00
I'm so sick.It hurts to swallow, and I can barely breathe.Today, well actually I guess yesterday now, was so shitty.It's been shitty since I got back from Astral Harvest.And even Astral Harvest was sort of shitty, cause of how cold it was. Bleh.I'm getting ym kitty fixed tomorrow, so thats sort of exciting I guess..?At least my stuff won't have friggin cat spray on it anymore. =]I hope tonight

=^.^=

2008-09-03T02:23:00.007-06:00
So life has been pretty hectic lately, 'cept not all at the same time.I lost interwebz for almost 2 months (June + July), so everything via internet got put on hold. /fail.But I've had internet for almost a month again (yay!), and now I've decided to keep up posting in this, thing. We have kittenz, they're cute, on Saturday Pudding got given to Ashy, so now we have 3.Kira is Will's kitteh, and

"Everything is so T r a n s p a r e n t in your eyes"

2008-09-03T02:13:00.004-06:00
Now do you remember? The truth about the s i c k n e s s?Open your eyes; Blind to us.It's a poisonous hybrid that crawls beneath the surface, the ghastly phantom.The taste of liquid copper wrapped in s i l e n c e.I've been watching the hours go by, caught up in a dream.Oh don't leave me, my shadow. Your time is r u n n i n g out, I watched you c h a n g e.Inhale, exhale.Inhale, exhale.I'll miss

Reflections

2008-05-22T02:24:00.000-06:00
I have such a bad headache.I've been in such a nostalgic mood lately, it's sort of depressing.:(Life's being all complicated, again.

Double sided paranoia.

2008-05-16T20:56:00.005-06:00
I wrote a rather enlightening statement earlier,and was in a great mood.And now I feel super shitty, like I cause all these problems.So I'll just pretend it doesn't bother me.

Sleep sleep, what a gloomy evening.

2008-05-13T23:36:00.001-06:00
I feel sort of tired, and kind of hungry.I got my tongue pierced about a week ago.I keep forgetting to post in this.=]Whoo.

Imaginary.//

2008-05-07T15:00:00.001-06:00
I feel really fucking horrible.And really fucking sick.I just don't have an immediate emotion for this.Anxiety attacks really suck.

What a good day sir.

2008-05-03T22:02:00.001-06:00
I updated my DevArt again after getting back from exploring near my house.I'm pretty happy with the photo's I got. =DTomorrow We're going back out to that spot. <3

>___<

2008-05-03T16:26:00.002-06:00
I feel ouchie.I'm going to go back to the doctor.Ugh. Not today though, but soon.I took a few pictures today, and updated my DeviantArt. I'm really liking how my gallery is looking on there. <3I wanna keep taking pictures. I may go have a shower so I can walk around and look for something to photograph.I think tomorrow I may go to an industrial area and photograph there. Like Northside or

Symphonic glitch?

2008-05-03T12:34:00.003-06:00
I woke up this afternoon, and felt pretty shitty.I still do, but meh.I'm not sue to waking up so late, I stayed up pretty late.I like waking up earlier.I hope I didn't fuck up my sleeping schedule.I've been thinking, maybe I should get a job..?I don't know.Today we're picking up another splint, perhaps.I kind of want to take more pictures today, I think I might.I'm hungry. o__O

Do your mouth words not fall out properly?

2008-05-02T12:22:00.005-06:00
I'm feeling really iicky today.Maybe because I need a shower, maybe because I have lot's of plans to figure and work out.Maybe because I'm slightly stressed out from family oriented problems.uugh. =[My wrist hurts a whole bunch, along with my arm. -sigh-My breathing is acting up, and I still need to get a splint and Robaxacet today.My ribs and the muscles just under the ribs hurt a whole bunch.

Your under the weather, miss.

2008-05-01T15:59:00.002-06:00
So I just got back from my doctors appointment.And it's not so good news.I have Carpal tunnel and really bad Tendinitis in my left wrist.I might need to get an operation soon. =[Also I need to do a follow up at the hospital, to check how my ovary is doing.It hurts too.And I have this other milder condition, the effects where my upper ribs connect with my breast bone.But I can't remember the name

Paranoid silence.

2008-05-01T09:28:00.004-06:00
My insides feel like they don't have room near my ribcage.It's really uncomfortable and kind of hurts.Good thing I'm going to the doctor today.I hope nothing is too wrong. Ouchie.So I set my alarm for 11:05am today, expecting I'd sleep late and need it,but conveniently I woke up at 7:30am. I really enjoy waking up early to start my day.It just makes me feel so refreshed to do all this shit, and

Clockwork dreaming.

2008-04-30T23:38:00.003-06:00
Fifteen minutes till May, and this blog entry makes April 20082+ ahead of the most blog entries I've ever posted in a month.Tomorrow I go to the doctors to figure out what's wrong with me.I feel really sick.=[My liver hurts.

Emphasis within the echo's

2008-04-30T12:27:00.003-06:00
I feel quite a bit more calm after writing in my private blog.Though my live really hurts at the moment. Good thing I'm goingto the doctor of Thursday.I'm uber hungry right now, maybe I'll make food.I feel nonchalant today, and fairly un-motivated.I'll probably just do laundry and other homely things.[EDIT]While digging around in the basement, I found Kirk's old MP3 player.And I put a AAA battery

2008-04-30T00:14:00.002-06:00
So my post has no title.Hahaha. -rolls eyes-Today was a pretty okay day.I had fun seeing people.Well, so far it's been pretty good.I just wonder where Robert is.

Today's a new day, miss.

2008-04-29T11:57:00.002-06:00
I'm feeling borderline content today, with a hint of laziness.o____OWell anyways, I just finished updating my DeviantArt gallery & scrapbook. =DAnd I'm really liking how it's starting to turn out. -dances-I think that I might take a few more pictures today,if I can find something worth while capturing. It's noon, and I think I'm going to go shower and possibly go see Julia at the mall.Considering

Free fall; a glimpse of sanity.

2008-04-28T21:58:00.005-06:00
What the fuck is up with everyone and harassing me about Ashley?Can't anyone just leave it alone, instead of making it THEY'RE problem?Clearly not. I mean, it doesn't effect you directly, why bother?I understand that you people are friends with her, but really? Is it worth ruining friendships over? I really don't think so.So stop fucking assuming shit, and acting like your in the loop,'Cause your

Thunderstoms in my mind.. disguise this feeling?

2008-04-28T15:53:00.003-06:00
So after fighting a bit more with the said boyfriend,We managed to start talking, and at first it was sort of awkward.Then as the conversation progressed, it was like how it use to be.We were laughing and joking around, like we did before we started dating.and I actually started feeling happier. Albeit what we'd said before.And then just as fast as it came, the happiness left.-sigh-