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Just like that he's gone.
This is the worst heart ache I've felt in a long time....
I'll be okay though.
I'll be strong, and when I see him again the distance will mean nothing.
Letting someone go that you love, is so much harder than breaking up.
I really hope this helps me develop into a great individual.
Isn't that what all this angsty stuff is suppose to do?
I sure hope so. Time to to remain optimistic.
Hello sunny day.
Today is the last day I have to spend time with him.
Tomorrow is the going away party.. Saturday he leaves.
I don't feel okay. Not right now. I'm managing to hold it together.. But I just want him to stay.
This feels so surreal. He was suppose to leave this time last year, and now he actually is.
I don't feel like I've conveyed enough of my emotions, requested enough of his touch, or heard enough of his voice. It feels so sudden, but the reality is that it isn't.
I'm going to miss him so terribly. I feel like I've built myself up so much since I've met him, and even since we've become lovers.. I'm just not sure what to do with myself at this moment..
Tonight is going to be emotional, reassuring.. beautiful.
It's going to be very hard to let him go..
The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you dear
'Cause I wish you were here
I'll watch the night turn light blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn't so bad
Till I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly
I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the boneBut drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because when I think of you
I don't feel so alone
Yesterday was eventful & good, yet I was filled with anxiety. Even now I still am..
My coffee date with said girly went surprisingly well. I'm thinking were going to hangout more. I'm excited. :)
I did some shopping and bought some tickets to a festival. That was nice.
But I can't help but think about how I only have one more week with my boy..
I feel like I'm slowly crumbling from the inside. I'm going to miss him so much, I don't think I'm prepared for this. But I'm going to try to be strong.
I've had some time to think about my feelings & discuss them with someone dear to me, and now I'm starting to feel better. I think.
I feel like last night we managed to connect on a different level than we've been able to in the past. Almost like some things are beginning to get resolved.
I still wish things could be different in some respects, but for now I'm doing better than I was.
I'm glad I'm still close to him. His presence give me tranquility.
This post has nothing to do with the one below it. Though I have been thinking of that girl frequently. Things wiht her are going good, we have a coffee date this coming Friday.
Things never go as planned, that's the way of life. Mostly my life.
In relation to my love life.. just fuck it. Things have become so scrambled I don't know if I'm upset or crazy. On the verge of a break down or a break through.. My emotions are too complex for even my liking. I can barely sort through them and figure myself out.. which is a first.
I think I'm delirious; So caught up in all that's going on, that I cannot differ between how I feel and whats going on.
Everything is all messed up. This isn't how I figured it would go. I think I was so far off, and this caught me by such surprise.. that I just don't know what to do.. or how to handle let alone sort out my thoughts and emotions.
Have you ever been really thirsty? And you open a carton of milk and you pour it in your mouth... and it's... sour. That happened. Inside me. Forever.
I just got home from work and I feel rather poignant.
I saw a girl today working cash, and realized that I knew her from a few years back.
Our friendship ended just as it was beginning, but I feel today may have begun a healing of sorts.
I'm excited yet terrified, but curiosity prompted me to speak with her.
The conversation was slightly awkward, but overall I believe it went okay.
I messaged her on Facebook, and now I'm awaiting a reply.
Wish me luck?
Today I donated blood after work.
It's sort of unsettling having that much come out of you.
The only thing I could think of was:
"Is this how it feels to have your life force slowly drained from your body?"
"Would I feel the same nauseated, light headed tingle if I were bleeding to death?"
At least I got to hold the bag of blood after she was done.
That was pretty cool.
