Me.
My brain, thoughts, emotions, everything.
It's all just really fucked up.
Just like the way I'm currently living my life.
I don't understand myself anymore, or my ways.
I feel like shit, physically, emotionally, mentally.
My body has been constantly ill.
My mind is in utter chaos, trapped in thoughts.
My emotions can't decide what I want to feel.
I'm just, wrecked. 100% wrecked currently.
And everything around me, is pretty much crumbling.
I'm torn between fixing myself or making others happy.
I run away from all my problems usually,
I just pretend their not there.
I want so desperately to do that in this case,
and in some ways I have.
But in all honesty, it's not getting me anywhere.
I wish I didn't hurt the people I care about most.
I try not to, but all this running away, hasn't really helped.
I want to make everyone happy, but I know that's not possible.
Right now, I just want to make myself happy.
That's not going so well either.
I try to fix myself, and in turn I hurt so many others.
Is it worth it?
Everything that I've pushed out of my brain, or just simply disregarded
has moved it's self right to the front.
I'm relating current life, with way too many parts of my past I've tried to forget.
And, I think that I can safely say, I don't know how to deal with this.
P.s:
Yesterday marked 1 year since I created this blog thing.
and I've actually managed to kind of keep up with it.
Whoot, I suppose.
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