I'm so tired of doing this.

You wear me out.
I'm tired of waiting around day after day for you to show up,
but you never end up showing up. And all you have to say is:
"I'm sorry, We'll hangout tomorrow." But when tomorrow comes
you never show up again, and you just repeat the same excuses.
"I promise, tomorrow I'll see you."
"For sure, nothing will get in the way of seeing you."
"I'll show up because I don't have any other plans."

This is frustrating.
Stop lying to me & to yourself.

I don't like being at the bottom of your priorities list.
I never use to be, but now it's like I don't even matter.
I should have to be dying for you to just come and see me.
I'd drop everything if you said you needed me,
but obviously you wouldn't do the same.

I feel hurt. And sick.
I hate my life.

Water lily.

I do not feel well.
I have the flu, and I wish that emotionally I'd feel
better too.

Lullaby.

So many thoughts are flowing through my mind,
Like a swirling abyss of emotion, creating a turmoil.
It feels like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place.
Hm.

In a roundabout way.

So I feel like I'm on the verge of a break through of sorts..
Like a lot more is becoming clear to me as the days pass by once more.
Music is really helping me through all these thoughts in my head.
I've calmed a bit about my guilt, and I believe I may just be able
to fix something. I've done some serious thinking, and honestly I think
I know my answer. I'm completely apathetic about so much now to do with
things, it's quite a shock that something like this has become suddenly so
clear.. I feel like such a retard for not seeing anything sooner, at least
not in the current light I've suddenly discovered..

^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^

^{What've you done to me?
I'll never be the same, I'll tell you for sure.}