Sometimes I wonder who I am, what I am. Bedraggled persona?
In a clearing I see a lake. In that lake I see me. I see a reflection of myself.
The reflection stares back and judges me with intensity.
I stare into the lake and wonder if this is really me.
Am I really this? Or is this just me at this moment in time?
Is the me now what I want to be or is it what people see me as?
Will I forever be this way or am I just testing an identity?
Poignant. Tangled in reverie. This is how I am at current.
I'm beginning to feel more centered everyday. My thoughts are far more collected, without the help of any substance. My life is a puzzle that's slowly being put together. You cannot quite see the end result, but the pieces are all falling together easily now.
Though I still carry a slight nihilistic mindset, I can feel it becoming more docile as the days pass.
I'm eating wheat grass now (It's insanely good for you.), I take vitamin D, B complex, 5-HTP & I want to order some Piracetam.
I've also been trying to exercise my mind & memory. I feel I've lost a lot of who I am over the past year, and I want to regain it. I allowed myself to become tainted in many fashions, and it just isn't acceptable anymore. I want to feel more like myself, more like who I picture myself as and who I was.
I'm meditating usually once a day, Jasmine & rose essential oils help me relax a great deal. I want to learn how to make essential oil, I understand the basics, I just need to get started. Also, I want to build a Zen garden. I crave this.
Overall, I'm just asking myself what I want, what I need to be happy & complete. I want to be good to myself, love who & what I am. This is a journey to figure myself out & for fulfillment. Everything seems so obvious now.
I can feel myself coming out of my cocoon.
- - - - -
Are we the playthings of fate
Remember the divine moments
Gliding, exploded in the morning
And now we're all alone
Lost dreams of love
The days when we had done nothing
We have a lifetime to cry
And now new
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