Love me.

I've got the nastiest cough, ever.
I sound like a dying animal.
Bleh.
I don't feel good.

I'm not happy with myself.
Anything about myself.



Mood: Gloomy.
/inner turmoil.

Thoughts just roaming.

<sup>So I'll sing this song to you,
for the last time.
and my heart is torn in two,
thinkin' of days spent without you,
and there is nothing left to prove.

I'm counting all the things I could've done,
to make you see that I wanted us to be
what I go to sleep and dream of.
I want you to know that I'd die for you.
I'd die for you.
I couldn't breathe you in like I need to,
and the words don't mean a thing.</sup>

Silently, the poison drips.

So I'm still sick, and I'm feeling gloomy, basically alone in my room tonight.
I feel sort of, lonely? It's difficult to put into words.
I'm not depressed at the moment, but I feel like I've curled back up into a part of me I though I've gotten over.
Let me just say this, It's not a good part, but it's not a bad part.
Ahh, I'm rambling..
I don't know what I want in life right now. I think I should though.
I'm in Grade 12, technically speaking, though I'm not registered yet in my homeschooling.
Yet I have no clue what I'm doing, who I want to be, I feel sort of trapped.
=/

So far the change in weather, and soon seasons, is ending up exactly how I've predicted it.
Lame.



^{At night I stay up writing,
Trying to get these thoughts out of my head.
I've lost all innocence in my thinking,
The child I once was is dead.
I wipe away the tears,
And watch the fresh ink run..
It's like looking through broken mirrors,
The past can't be undone.}

Sprained minds.

Fever induced restless nights are far worse than restless nights due to restless minds.
Ugh.
I feel so disgusting, like a big lump of slime.
At least, that's all the keeps coming out of my nasal passage and chest.
Seriously, being so sick it feels like your swimming in thick dirty water has got to be one of the most revolting feelings ever.
I can barely breathe, or talk.
>____<

I guess all I can do is try and feel better, or at least kid myself that I do so I can actually get some stuff done.
What a fucking shitty way to spend that last few days of nice weather.
All cooped up in my room, vomiting.
Lovely.

Suffocating on silence.

I'm so sick.
It hurts to swallow, and I can barely breathe.
Today, well actually I guess yesterday now, was so shitty.
It's been shitty since I got back from Astral Harvest.
And even Astral Harvest was sort of shitty, cause of how cold it was. Bleh.
I'm getting ym kitty fixed tomorrow, so thats sort of exciting I guess..?
At least my stuff won't have friggin cat spray on it anymore. =]

I hope tonight doesn't hold as many schizophrenic nightmares.
Those were seriously fucked up. -shakes head-
On a random note, let me just say that the new nexopia layout (nexopia.com), sucks major cock.
I hate it. That is all.

Ugh I neeeeeed sleeps, but I don't think I'll be able to.
Fuck Damnit.

=^.^=

So life has been pretty hectic lately, 'cept not all at the same time.
I lost interwebz for almost 2 months (June + July), so everything via internet got put on hold.
/fail.
But I've had internet for almost a month again (yay!), and now I've decided to keep up posting in this, thing.
We have kittenz, they're cute, on Saturday Pudding got given to Ashy, so now we have 3.
Kira is Will's kitteh, and buttons and sushi don't have homes, though I kinda want to kidnap them and hid them secretly in my closet. >___<
The said boyfriend and myself are currently re-evaluating our relationship.
And other than that, I'm super sick, and I'm going to a 3 day rave on Friday. That's going to be great. XD
I get to register for my homeschooling on the 9th, that's going to be even better (sarcasm).

I have a bad feeling for this coming winter, kinda like it's going to suck hardcore.
Not so good feelings at all.

"Everything is so T r a n s p a r e n t in your eyes"

Now do you remember? The truth about the s i c k n e s s?

Open your eyes; Blind to us.

It's a poisonous hybrid that crawls beneath the surface, the ghastly phantom.
The taste of liquid copper wrapped in s i l e n c e.
I've been watching the hours go by, caught up in a dream.

Oh don't leave me, my shadow.

Your time is r u n n i n g out, I watched you c h a n g e.

Inhale, exhale.
Inhale, exhale.

I'll miss you forever.