Clockwork dreaming.

Fifteen minutes till May, and this blog entry makes April 2008
2+ ahead of the most blog entries I've ever posted in a month.

Tomorrow I go to the doctors to figure out what's wrong with me.
I feel really sick.
=[
My liver hurts.

Emphasis within the echo's

I feel quite a bit more calm after writing in my private blog.
Though my live really hurts at the moment. Good thing I'm going
to the doctor of Thursday.
I'm uber hungry right now, maybe I'll make food.

I feel nonchalant today, and fairly un-motivated.
I'll probably just do laundry and other homely things.

[EDIT]
While digging around in the basement, I found Kirk's old MP3 player.
And I put a AAA battery in it, and surprisingly it still works. ^___^
So I brain stormed on how to get some of the songs I've wanted off of it.
After looking at the USB port on the MP3 player, I noticed that it looked
oddly like my Canon camera cord. Upon discovery I dug up said camera cord
and tried it. It fit perfectly. Success!! Except not really, after plugging
the MP3 into my computer, I realized all of the files were in OMA. Which isn't
able I'm not able to convert. iick. So I decided to this the old fashioned way,
and look them up on Limewire. And thankfully I found all of what I was looking
for, exactly. =D So now I'm in a pretty good mood. Whoot. =]
[/EDIT]

So my post has no title.
Hahaha. -rolls eyes-
Today was a pretty okay day.
I had fun seeing people.

Well, so far it's been pretty good.
I just wonder where Robert is.

Today's a new day, miss.

I'm feeling borderline content today, with a hint of laziness.
o____O

Well anyways, I just finished updating my DeviantArt gallery & scrapbook. =D
And I'm really liking how it's starting to turn out. -dances-
I think that I might take a few more pictures today,
if I can find something worth while capturing.

It's noon, and I think I'm going to go shower and possibly go see Julia at the mall.
Considering it's her birthday, and such. ^____^
Maybe I'll get some bubble teas as well.

I really need to pee.
I hope that today turns out alright.

Free fall; a glimpse of sanity.

What the fuck is up with everyone and harassing me about Ashley?
Can't anyone just leave it alone, instead of making it THEY'RE problem?
Clearly not. I mean, it doesn't effect you directly, why bother?
I understand that you people are friends with her, but really?
Is it worth ruining friendships over? I really don't think so.
So stop fucking assuming shit, and acting like your in the loop,
'Cause your not. And chances are you DON'T have a clue about what's going on.

Yes, I do see that I'm hurting her. Thank you for constantly reminding me.
Yeah, I do feel like shit. About everything. Every day. Thanks for the reminder.
No, I never was fucking leading her on. Your not in my head, don't pretend to be.
Yes, I still care about her. As I said though, it's complicated. Fuck off.
And no guy's, I'm not a whore. What the fuck.

I'll never understand why people can't leave something like this alone.
I know your her friend and that you care about her,
But your opinion is not necessary. Let the people involved deal with this.
Drama, drama, drama.

Fuck off.

Thunderstoms in my mind.. disguise this feeling?

So after fighting a bit more with the said boyfriend,
We managed to start talking, and at first it was sort of awkward.
Then as the conversation progressed, it was like how it use to be.
We were laughing and joking around, like we did before we started dating.
and I actually started feeling happier. Albeit what we'd said before.

And then just as fast as it came, the happiness left.
-sigh-

What the fuck happened?

Okay, so basically I have an unhappy boyfriend.
And it's my fault.

Here's a re-cap of how today has been so far:
I woke up really early (5:50am)
Watched the sun finish coming up, had breakfast.
And overall, I was in a really good mood.
Then everyone else wakes up, I help my mom put in her contacts.
My dad drove my mom to work, and I decided to watch TV.
Then everything went downhill.

I don't even want to go anywhere anymore.
And I'm not even in a good mood either.
Wonderful.

Purge the sickness, we're all diseased.

Random ass title, 'cept sort of not?
I don't know.
I feel weak and well, tired. I'll probably head to bed sometime in the next hour or so.
Today, in a nutshell:
started off pretty good, got rather rocky, kinda looked up, got really shitty,
then turned out overall to be still pretty blah.
I wish it had gone better, but I suppose I can't fix it now, eh?
It's sad to admit, but I believe that my old group of friends hold no space for myself anymore.
I think perhaps, everyone is happier without me being there. Which is a really sad realization.
Soo, I don't have any really close friends anymore. It doesn't seem so, though I wish I was still part of their lives.
-sigh-
I don't know quite yet what to do about this. Maybe hangout more? Hmm.

On a better note, I'm at home. I'm warmer than when I was outside.
Considering I didn't bring my jacket. Stupid father and not picking me up. =[

Maybe I'll figure something out. I feel like a failure.
P.s: Goal status is sort of working. Ehhh, kinda.

"But I dug my teeth into my knees
And I settled for a telephone
Sang into your machine:
"You are my sunshine
My only sun...shine"

Woah, flower child. Wassup there?

Back to the really random title names.
I don't know why.
Haha.

Well I just woke up, FINALLY at a normal time, just past noon.
Whoot.
Annnnnnnd, I just finished eating nummy steamed vegetables with cheese.
^_______^

Today I'm pree stoked for seeing Josh's finished tattoo's, and my old group of friends.
It's been so long since I've hung out with them. But I hafta get ready soon-ish.
Blah to that, I sort of wanna keep sleeping, but I don't wanna risk sleeping through his party or fucking up my newly established schedule.

Good news is that my nightmares have begun to slow down again. Not as much senseless flailing and screaming anymore. Thank god.

I think I'm going to go start my day.

Took a chill pill; ready to feed the fire?

I feel better, after writing in my private blog.
A lot less annoyed and a lot less likely to rip off heads due to frustration.

I think that today is going to be pretty good, if it goes as planned.
I get to see Chloe at WEM, probably some other friends as well, and later I get to see Robert.
I'm going to start planning out this coming week, since I'm feeling a bit better.
All I have is a really bad cough, and I definitely need to see certain people more.
I'm setting a few goals, I'm not sure if I'll accomplish them, but hey it's worth a try.
I've been relatively lazy lately, I think I wanna fix that.


Haha, I want ice cream.

Headache.

I wanna watch discovery channel.
But my fucking television is too complex for me to work it.

Not to mention Will thinks that discovery channel is boring and lame.

-sigh-

[/fail]

My sleeping schedule is fucked.

.

Breathing is super hard.
=[

I feel anxious.

=[

Oh damn.
This isn't good.

I have no title.

My ovaries hurt.
Whoo. [/sarcasm]
I still have pneumonia.

And shit's hit the fan.
owie.

Euuwy.

I can't stop coughing.
This flu/virus thing isn't going away.
Plus I'm getting allergies too, which really sucks.
My ovaries hurt.
I'm pretty miserable, sickness wise.
Mentally and emotionally, I'm in chaos.

I feel like I'm being ripped apart.

I feel sick.

I'm feeling sick physically, emotionally and mentally.
I'm putting a lot of stress on my body and on my mind.
I just can't deal with certain thoughts and certain possible scenarios.
I feel sort of like i'm going to explode.
It's really horrible.

I definitely need to relax,
but it just appears that I can't.
Perhaps I'm just not ready to.

Everything hurts. Literally.

Thoughts.

I have too many of them.

ARRG. [/frustration]

So basically I'm annoyed.
If you can't already tell.
I wish that people would just trust me a bit,
If i'm going to find out eventually then what's the big deal about finding out now?
Why do I hafta wait until another person tells me something?
People really annoy me sometimes.

-sigh-

I'm just disappointed.

I believe this calls for a write up in my other blog.
hmm.

Virus.

Still sick.
And getting sicker, by the looks of it.
My Yukon friend is staying with me, so that's pretty awesome I just wish that I was feeling better so we could do more.
Perhaps I should take more pictures, it might lighten my mood.

I haven't been doing too well emotionally today or yesterday.
I wonder what's up with the chemicals in my brain.
=/

Overcast afternoon's with evening snowy skies.

I believe I got myself sick from last night,
I stood outside in like a T-shirt for 2 hours in the frigid air.
And it was snowing.
Meh.
The train tracks are awfully peaceful at like 3:00am, 'cept when a random train goes by and scares the crap out of me. Haha.
And go me, I think i have something wrong with my bone marrow or something, maybe nerves..?
It's fucked up.

Hmm, I should be doing something productive, but I'm not.

¬_¬;;

I hate April fools.

On a better note though, I think I'm finally getting the hang of my camera.
Annnnd, slowly I'm growing more satisfied with my deviantart account, though I still have a ways to go with it.
One day, one day.
^_____^

I haven't felt so completely content with my art in a while, though I still have that slight feeling of incompetence.
Ahh well, I'm learning.

Perhaps I'll take more pictures today.
Now to let my creative side out for these pictures.
=]