Tarnished sunset.

So I really am not enjoying all the negativity that seems to be aimed towards me currently.
I really don't appreciate how someone in particular is stressing me out by pressuring me to give them most of my attention & then complaining about how they feel that I'm not the same person & all this bullshit, just because I'm not with them.
I really don't need to be stressed out over nothing, I said before I needed time to figure out my life, and currently I'm not interested in a relationship.
It seems like everyone I meet end up doing something like this. It's fucked up.

I'm moving out on the 1st of September, and I'm so busy and not ready! But I'll manage. I'm just worried about paying people back and getting on my feet and such. I'm trying to stay positive and remain calm, but I have doubts, you know?
I want to be mostly stress free, I'm so tired of dealing with bullshit in almost every aspect of my life, it really puts a damper on my moods & how I feel.
I just need to focus on myself, and no one else until I've got shit sorted out.
Some people understand this, others are just being stubborn. It's irritating.

-Deep breath- Okay, so, basically that's my rant for today.
I'm going to go take a bath, and relax, and just try and figure out how this is all going to work.

Craniofacial osseointegration and maxillofacial prosthetic rehabilitation unit.

This has got to be my most random blog title, EVER.
It's badass. :D

Anyways, I've been quite the busy bee lately.
I've been starting to feel better emotionally,
but I'm still on a bit of a rocky pathway.

I'll be moving out of here in September, getting another job, Going back to school.
You know, the works. I'm excited.
Other than that though, I'm trying to remain positive & keep the stress and negativity away!
So much is rushing at me, and I'm just barely keeping up, but it's exhilirating!
I think I'm going to do okay, for real.

I always feel better after I write in my journals.

A Disjointed Juxtaposition of Sorts.

It's been a while, hasn't it?
I figured I'd posted here in May, but I suppose I forgot.
I honestly don't think I can re-cap even the majority of what's happened since then.
Though I can say; currently I am in most ways.
I'm busy figuring out what I want my life to be, and how to put it together.
So far it could be going better, but at least it's going somewhere?

I guess I'll make a brief 'In a nutshell".
^{-I quit biting my nails, but now I've begun to once more.
-I feel like I threw away a part of me I was building up.
-Once moment I feel like I'll be successful in whatever I try to be,
the next moment I'm backing away wondering why I was so confident.
-I was sick, got better, and now I'm sick again.
-I'm indecisive as to what I should be doing with myself at the moment.}

I'll stop there, wouldn't want to bore anyone.
Gosh what have I gotten myself into?

I'm so tired of doing this.

You wear me out.
I'm tired of waiting around day after day for you to show up,
but you never end up showing up. And all you have to say is:
"I'm sorry, We'll hangout tomorrow." But when tomorrow comes
you never show up again, and you just repeat the same excuses.
"I promise, tomorrow I'll see you."
"For sure, nothing will get in the way of seeing you."
"I'll show up because I don't have any other plans."

This is frustrating.
Stop lying to me & to yourself.

I don't like being at the bottom of your priorities list.
I never use to be, but now it's like I don't even matter.
I should have to be dying for you to just come and see me.
I'd drop everything if you said you needed me,
but obviously you wouldn't do the same.

I feel hurt. And sick.
I hate my life.

Water lily.

I do not feel well.
I have the flu, and I wish that emotionally I'd feel
better too.

Lullaby.

So many thoughts are flowing through my mind,
Like a swirling abyss of emotion, creating a turmoil.
It feels like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place.
Hm.

In a roundabout way.

So I feel like I'm on the verge of a break through of sorts..
Like a lot more is becoming clear to me as the days pass by once more.
Music is really helping me through all these thoughts in my head.
I've calmed a bit about my guilt, and I believe I may just be able
to fix something. I've done some serious thinking, and honestly I think
I know my answer. I'm completely apathetic about so much now to do with
things, it's quite a shock that something like this has become suddenly so
clear.. I feel like such a retard for not seeing anything sooner, at least
not in the current light I've suddenly discovered..

^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^

^{What've you done to me?
I'll never be the same, I'll tell you for sure.}